Writing about this period of my life five years after the fact has been very therapeutic for me. My feelings towards it are that of gratitude and encouragement. I have grown a lot since then and learned a lot from experiencing it. At the time, it was possibly one of the worst times in my life but had I never gone through it I wouldn’t be who I am today. (As silly as it sounds I love who I turned out to be!) I won’t get into grave detail because it is still a very personal thing for me but I feel the need to share.
College years are for figuring out who you want to be or in my case who I didn’t want to be. The road to self discovery can be a bumpy one filled with mistakes meant to make us learn. My 21st year of life was a series of these. I was very conflicted with who I wanted to be. I was never home much even though I lived there still. I rarely slept at all. I kept up with all of my other commitments like school and my job but the rest of my life was all over the place. I was bored and itching to leave. I got involved with people who were not motivated or driven and had a bad relationship. I was going out a lot and drinking too much. It wasn’t me. This person wasn’t who I wanted to be.
When I packed up and finally moved off to college to finish my Bachelor’s, I felt relieved to be leaving the mess behind and start fresh. My parents drove away from campus and I didn’t look back in sadness. I was excited to change but had no idea of the personal struggles that lie ahead of me. I moved to a new city by myself and only knew 1 person. I had a difficult time transferring my job up to a local store so I wasn’t working for the first month of living in my new city. I had to rely on my parents help which wasn’t fair in my eyes. I still couldn’t sleep at all. I started to get depressed.
Having a negative vision of yourself and be detrimental to the progress you are trying to make. One morning around 1am I called my parents in tears. My mom was panicked that I was calling so late and worried. I was depressed. One morning, I woke up and decided to go get help. My university offered free counseling for students so I took advantage of it. I remember a college professor once saying that everyone should go to therapy. Sometimes you just need to talk it out. After 3 weeks of therapy, I started to feel much better. I had a positive outlook on life and the motivation to get out and meet new people. I studied my butt off and finished my first semester at UNF strong and topped it off by meeting my husband during finals week. It was the perfect transition.
I don’t miss that period of my life. I would never want to live through it again. Once was enough! I am thankful every single day that I went through it and came out better on the other side. If you are going through something difficult or just need a little inspiration, just know that you can get through anything with a little strength and a lot of confidence in yourself!